May 1, 2008

At sunset last night, I found myself driving my son to his friend’s house. As I made the turn onto the boy’s street, my eyes immediately drifted to a house on the left. What I saw inside was so welcoming I had to slow the Suburban down! I couldn’t wait to drop my son off – “Bye, son,  I love you too!” - so I could quickly turn the car around, and drive by this home again. As I slowly approached the house, I gazed into the window. (I kind of felt like the paparazzi!) Through the front window I saw a huge dining room table filled with 4 couples of all ages. Dark hair, gray hair, glasses … I could see their bodies leaning inward, engaged in conversation. I could almost hear the laughter and smell the food.

Good for them! I thought. I wish more people could see this beautiful picture! I even wished I had my camera. Then reality hit as a car approached from behind, and I sped off towards home.

What stops people from hosting like this more often? We all crave relationships and connection. A recent study called Social Isolation in America showed that on average, the American adult has only two close friends. It went on to say that 80 percent confide in family only. There are so many lonely people right in our neighborhoods, schools, work places and churches that would love to be invited over for dinner. I know I’m guilty of failing to think of the lonely person. And sometimes it’s hard to know, really, who is lonely?

A friend recently asked me this question: “In your twenties, what drew you to God?”  I immediately replied, “Loneliness.” Having never voiced that before, I’ve been thinking about my response these last few weeks. I longed not only for God, but also for deeper human connections. The changes I made had to start with me. I could not rely on anyone else to soothe that lonely feeling inside. I learned to go to God first, but then He also showed me that I need others.

My husband and I have been reading the book Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community. Although the book is rather long with many graphs, it shows how we’ve become a less social society since the 1950’s. I realize we live in a different society now, but the busier we become, the more people we cut out of our lives. If this trend continues, then where are we headed?  How will we make it without each other? Who’s going to help when the hard times come?

Do you retreat to your loneliness or reach out for help? Do you turn to television and the internet for your friendships, or do you have real life friends who will come when you call or when your family is in need? I personally put the following steps into place in my own life, starting twenty years ago, and still resort to them now as a married woman.

Open Your Doors