I was recently diagnosed with a heart condition. The Great Physician did not hold back when He revealed to me the condition of my heart. Unlike a heart condition that is diagnosed by an earthly physician, the cure for my own heart condition was death - not a physical death, but the death of who I thought I was, yet more importantly, the death of my self.

The condition was revealed, not in a quiet time with the Lord, but in a room filled with more than 1000 women. We were all tuned in to Debby Johnson, a missionary, giving a simple, yet profound message based on Mark 12:30, "And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment." 

As she encouraged us to examine the condition of our hearts, I vehemently asked the Lord to show me if there be anything in my heart that would block me from fellowship with Him.

I saw before me that picture of Jesus knocking on that big wooden door. Quietly to my heart, the Lord showed me that indeed I had opened the door, and was saved by grace. But that I had replaced the door with a glass door, which I repeatedly washed with window cleaner. He showed me that I was always so busy letting Him see into my heart, only through a clean glass door, that I didn't allow Him full access to my heart. You see, friends, it's a great yet terrible day when the Lord reveals to your heart, that you have been failing to allow the Lord unconditional access. 

It was terrible because of the grieving I felt over living a life that was not fully His. Yet, the incredible joy at finally knowing why I continued to strive for Him, when I knew He was there all the time. I always felt that He was so close, but almost unreachable at times. It was like a thirst that could not be quenched.

I've read every book on the market about desiring for God, because I knew that my soul longed to commune with Him on a continual basis. My frustration with Adam and Eve was not that we live in a sinful world, although that is sometimes a frustration, but the one thing I desperately longed for was that fellowship with the Lord they had in the beginning but eliminated for the rest of us. Then I would read stories of people who seemed to have that fellowship. And even I would have glimpses of it now and then, but I knew there was a missing element.