"Slow down!!"
It wasn't an audible voice. If it had been, I probably wouldn't have heard it. Why? Because I've been too busy.
Too busy to hear God.
Too busy to take care of myself.
Too busy to enjoy life.
Too busy just trying to keep all the plates spinning.
It's been a hard few months. My husband's back went out in July, and our lives have revolved around how he's feeling, what our next steps are. We finally had surgery in mid-November. We initially thought it was a success...until he began to have excruciating shooting pains that left him unable to walk. We discovered he had a nerve hitting a screw placed in his back, and with every change in position, the nerve would send an incredibly painful jolt down his right leg.
After three weeks, I took him back to the emergency room. He hobbled in, but I literally had to push him out in a wheelchair. Two days later, he was back in the operating room.
But there's so much more! Work has been...hard. Not really the best word for it, but the one I can use right now. I've suddenly found myself with two hours of commute time I'm not used to, two hours that I normally use for caring for myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. My mom had surgery. My dad has been sick. There's just been a lot.
Last Sunday morning, my daughter called me in tears at 2:30 in the morning. She had a migraine headache that wouldn't relent. I jumped in my car and drove the hour to be by her side. We ended up in the emergency room, got her some meds to help the headache and nausea subside, and then we rested for a couple of hours--before heading to church so she could lead worship.
There most definitely hasn't been a dull moment in our household. I've been running on fumes, acting as caretaker to everyone. And that's when God said,
"Slow down!"
How did He tell me to slow down? Shortly after my middle of the night trip to the ER with my daughter, I began to have this little cough. Just an annoyance at first. The next day as I continued to push through at the ER with my husband, I began to cough a little more. Just a little more, but I kept going. By the next day as I tried to work through it, the cough progressed and led to laryngitis and just a general feeling of--how else can I say it?--feeling awful! By the morning of Roy's (second) surgery, I had no voice, was coughing incessantly, and felt like I wouldn't survive the day.
Why do I have to be so stubborn and feel like I need to take care of everyone except myself?
I spent the next four days forced to slow down, sitting around doing nothing except coughing, taking medicine, sleeping, and helping Roy. My mind was so foggy, I couldn't read or do anything productive, so it was literally a time of just doing nothing.
And sometimes God has to take extreme measures to get our attention. At least I know that's the case with me.
Guess what? After a week of slowing down, I sense God's presence again. I feel my soul settling as I seek His face. I get to enjoy this thing called life. I have taken a step of obedience that has been weighing heavily on my heart.
There are so many verses running through my mind even as I sit here typing, reflecting of my time of slowing down.
The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. John 10:10
God's been really impressing on my heart that it's time to embrace life, to stop existing and start living! That means something in my life has to change, and I have to find a way to slow down regularly. I have to find a way to walk in the purpose for which He created me--a purpose of sharing His love, helping people become the best versions of them as they seek His face (more to come on this one in upcoming weeks).
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
I've always read this verse, but sometimes I find myself crying out to God! "Lord, when will I be renewed? When will I soar with eagles? When will I run and not grow weary? When will I walk and not faint? I sure don't feel like this promise is true for me!"
Scripture doesn't teach that we won't grow weary but instead that He will renew us. When will He renew us? When we trust in Him. when we slow down enough to hear His voice.
Our culture does not value slowing down. Our culture pushes for more and more, but we need to remember that God's ways are so often antithetical to the world's ways. Maybe you need to slow down so you can experience His renewing. I know it's hard. I know it often feels like there aren't enough hours in the day. Let's just take a few minutes to look at our lives and see where we can carve out time to just sit and soak in His presence. Maybe for you it's the quiet of the morning. Maybe it's later in the day after you put the kids to sleep. Maybe you take a lunch break and take a walk while listening to praise music. Wherever you are, find what works for you and do it. Take some deep breaths. with every breath in, remember our Yahweh, our Savior, our Friend. With every breath out, focus on our Provider, our Redeemer, our Wonderful Counselor. Soak in the presence of Immanuel as you slow your heart, your soul, your mind.
Slow down today and remember Immanuel, God with us.
