Be a coach, not a cheerleader. Instead of offering your kids false praise and applauding mediocrity in their lives, offer them genuine praise that’s merited and expect excellence from them. Don’t neglect giving them the instruction they need. Motivate them through encouragement, rather than bribery or some other external means. Strive to inspire them by being a good role model in their lives. Don’t make excuses for your kids; let them know you believe they can do better when they fail to do their best. Dream big with your children and encourage them to hold onto hope for those dreams to come true.
Set boundaries without building walls. Establish boundaries that help your children, but don’t create walls between you and them. Work with your spouse to present a united front to your kids. Choose some key issues that won’t be open for discussion, and stick to your word on them, no matter what. Stay emotionally connected to your kids, making sure they know you love them for who they are rather than what they do. Don’t give into the myth that small amounts of "quality time" will lead to a close relationship; know that you must have large quantities of time into your relationship with your kids if you want to be close to them. Make rules appropriate to your children’s ages.
Use discipline rather than punishment. Recognize the crucial difference between discipline and punishment. Understand that discipline is meant to teach your kids important life lessons and motivate them, whereas punishment seeks to force control through shame, discouragement, and fear. Know that discipline encourages respect and leads to self-discipline, while punishment encourages resentment and leads to rebellion. Let your kids know that you love them unconditionally, but will not hesitate to follow through with appropriate consequences to reinforce lessons you’re teaching them. Remember that you’re not fighting your children; you’re battling the wrongness of their behavior. Be consistent and calm when following through, fit the discipline to the crime, ask your children to forgive you when you make mistakes, and continue to expect the best of your kids.
Shield your kids from hurtful content in popular culture. Carefully monitor the magazines, books, music, movies, TV shows, video games, and Internet sites your children experience to protect them from disrespectful images and messages that can harm them. Only allow content that reflects your values. Watch, read, and listen to the media your kids do so you can discuss it together. Expose your children to thoughtful and inspiring culture, such as great literature and art. Be sure to practice what you preach by refraining from engaging in disrespectful media yourself.
Engage your kids instead of entertaining them. Don’t just entertain your children with mindless amusements; engage their imaginations with thought-provoking activities. Periodically unplug your telephone, TV, computer, and all other electrical devices that can distract you from spending focused time together as a family. Then use that time to have some old-fashioned fun together, such as by sharing stories, singing songs, playing games, and putting jigsaw puzzles together. Give your kids plenty of opportunities for creative play. Encourage them to carry books with them at all times so they can spend their downtime reading. Set aside a special place at home for reading and schedule time regularly for the whole family to read. Give your kids your undivided attention as often as you can, and engage them in meaningful conversations.
