How God’s Grace Breaks the Cycle of Shame - The Crosswalk Devotional - May 23
How God’s Grace Breaks the Cycle of Shame
By: Jennifer Slattery
Bible Reading:
Then Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the priest and teacher of the Law, and the Levites who were instructing the people said to them all, “This day is holy to the Lord your God. Do not mourn or weep.” For all the people had been weeping as they listened to the words of the Law.
Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” - Nehemiah 8:9-10
Do you ever lie in bed, replaying your every unkind word or hurtful deed from the day? Do memories of past sins and regrets seize your mind and steal your peace? Do you find yourself looking back with sorrow at the damage your unfiltered words, angry outbursts, or triggered responses caused, longing for a do-over, but also fearful that you’ll forever fall into these unhelpful patterns?
You’re not alone. People often state that the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. There’s truth to that, likely because we so long to live and love like Jesus. Yet, we often fall short, and not for lack of trying.
The other day, I sat with a friend broken by a relational conflict she feared would irrevocably fracture the connection she’d been working to build. Her voice quivered as she said, “I don’t know why I act this way. In the moment, my perspective feels valid, and all I can see is how the other person hurt me. And suddenly, I question their character and intent. Self-isolating thoughts start playing through my mind, like, “She doesn’t really care about you.” “She wants something from you.” “He thinks you’re too much.” “You’re annoying him.” “She’s judging you.” “Why work through this when she’s just going to bail on the relationship anyway?”
My friend’s hunched shoulders and the dark shadows beneath her eyes gave evidence to her sleepless night and the heavy weight of shame she carried.
A tear slid down her cheek. With a deep breath, she brushed it away. “But then, later,” she said, “I see that I overreacted and made things worse. I see the pattern, but I don’t know how to break it.”
Have you been there? The journey toward wholeness and holiness is rarely comfortable or quick. Yes, God holds the power to transform us with a whisper or glance. In my experience, however, He molds my soul gradually, alerting me to an issue, allowing me to see the fallout of my choices, to grieve my brokenness and sin, before He reveals the steps toward victory.
Speaking from experience, I shared a statement that encouraged me when I was just beginning my healing journey. “Self-awareness is the first step to change. You can’t heal what you don’t see or won’t acknowledge.”
Listening, my friend gave a slight nod and offered a half-laugh, half-huff. “Ignorance is bliss?” she asked.
To which I replied, “Temporarily, perhaps. But it’s often when we’re staring at the rubble we’ve helped create that we’re most able to see, and rest in, God’s all-encompassing grace. To gain strength from His grace.”
That’s the message today’s passage conveys. Seventy years after what scholars call the Babylonian exile, an event caused by ancient Israel’s long-standing spiritual rebellion, the Lord brought them back to their homeland to rebuild what their sin had destroyed. He sent them with His abundant provision—gold, silver, animals, priests to lead their faith, and numerous workers to repair Jerusalem’s walls and their sacred temple.
Scripture tells us that:
“The whole company numbered 42,360, besides their 7,337 menservants and maidservants; and they also had 245 men and women singers. There were 736 horses, 245 mules, 435 camels and 6,720 donkeys” (Ezra 2:66, NIV).
In short, the Lord showered them with blessings and tangible evidence of His favor. And they celebrated. They celebrated the work He enabled them to do, the provisions He provided, and the forgiveness He granted.
But this didn’t erase the grief they felt at all that had been lost. The Scripture their religious leaders read brought praise… and a deep awareness of their sin and all it had cost.
Seeing their weeping, Ezra, Nehemiah, and the Lord’s priests spoke today’s passage, encouraging them to receive and find joy in God’s grace.
Biblical joy goes much deeper than a temporary emotion based on our circumstances. It’s the deep awareness of God’s grace—knowing He’s with us, transforming us, rewriting our story, and working all things, our greatest failures included, for our good and His glory.
This might not fix the damage we’ve caused. The ancient Israelites still had to clear away the rubble that once formed their homeland, to rebuild the fractured walls and restore the destroyed temple.
But God wanted them to do so as His beloved, empowered, and absolved children, not from a place of shame.
Shame is exhausting, heavy, and defeating. Grace brings hope, joy, and strength. It lifts the burdens we carry and plants us more firmly in God’s firm yet gentle embrace.
Intersecting Life & Faith:
I sometimes wonder if shame functions as a defense mechanism or a subconscious fail-safe. Is there a part of us that believes our inner critic protects us from future harm by keeping our unwanted behaviors in check?
It’s also a powerful tool of the enemy strategically lobbed to hold us captive.
Regardless, through Christ, we always have a way out. Our sins don’t repel Him; instead, He draws close, with arms open wide—nailed to the cross. We honor the sacrifice He made by learning to receive, in our innermost wounded places, the forgiveness for which He paid such a high price.
That takes time, healing, prayer, and regularly connecting with Him; sitting in His presence. But the more we do so, take in His truth, and rest in His love, the weaker our shame, the greater our joy, and the more enduring our strength.
If you battle shame over a present struggle or past sins, express this to God, and ask Him to break your shame. Then, keep your soul oriented to Him, your spiritual ears attuned to His voice, and your figurative feet ready to follow, trusting Him to lead you step by step, in His perfect timing.
Further Reading:
2 Corinthians 7:910
Isaiah 57:14-15
Habakkuk 3:19
Join the conversation! Share how today’s devotional encouraged or challenged you in your walk with Christ.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Koldunov
Jennifer Slattery is a writer and speaker who co-hosts the Faith Over Fear podcast and, along with a team of 6, the Your Daily Bible Verse podcast. She’s addressed women’s groups, Bible studies, and taught at writers conferences across the nation. She’s the author of Building a Family and numerous other titles and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLou
She’s passionate about helping people experience Christ’s freedom in all areas of their lives. Visit her online to learn more about her speaking or to book her for your next women’s event, and sign up for her free quarterly newsletter HERE and make sure to connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and GodTube.
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