Tammy Trent Shares How to Heal from Grief
- Whitney Hopler Live It Editor
- 2004 6 Jun
When you lose someone you love, you lose not just the person, but also the dreams of a shared future together. The force of the pain can knock the wind of hope right out of you. But, with God’s help, you can learn to breathe again.
Here are some ways you can heal from grief:
Allow yourself to experience your emotions. Don’t try to suppress your natural emotions of shock, denial, anger, sorrow, fear or any other type of feeling. Realize that these emotions will help you process your loss. Don’t be ashamed of them or afraid to let yourself feel them.
Know that God is with you. Remember God’s promise to never leave you or forsake you. Know that He has experienced great grief Himself, and completely understands how you’re feeling. Remember that God loves you deeply and unconditionally, and that He is always available to listen to your prayers.
Pray. Don’t be afraid to pray about any of your thoughts and feelings, or to ask God hard questions. Trust that God will send you peace in response to your prayers. Pray that the Holy Spirit will work in your life each day, giving you joy that will cover your grief and help you move forward.
Accept support from friends and family members. Let caring people around you give you the help and encouragement you need – from simple hugs and notes of sympathy to assistance with funeral arrangements. Don’t be ashamed to be honest with others if you need help with meals or chores for a while. Realize that people who love you genuinely want to help and are looking for specific ways to do so.
Go easy on yourself. Cut back on your responsibilities for a while so you can focus your energy on healing. Take some time off work, if possible, and cut back on your activities. Get all the sleep you need.
Remember your late loved one. Write your memories in a journal. Look at old photographs. Talk with others who knew your loved one, sharing stories about him or her. As you remember, give God thanks for your loved one’s life and all he or she meant to you.
Deal with your loved one’s possessions. At first, you may want to use your loved one’s things as reminders of him or her. But, after some time passes, go through the possessions to choose which things to keep and which things to give away. Know that by making changes like cleaning out closets, you’re doing something tangible to move on with your life.
Serve others whenever you can. Realize that God still has more for you to do in life. Find relief from your own troubles by taking your focus off yourself and placing it on other people. Look for opportunities to give to others, trusting that doing so will help you in your own healing process.
Adapted from Learning to Breathe Again: Choosing Life and Finding Hope After a Shattering Loss, copyright 2004 by Tammy Trent. Published by W Publishing Group, a division of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, TN., www.wpublishinggroup.com.
Tammy Trent’s music career includes three albums that have garnered two #1 songs and nine Top 10 hits. She is currently speaking and singing at women’s conferences, including Women of Faith.
In Learning to Breathe Again, Trent shares her beautiful love story turned tragic, still pointing to God as the source of all life and hope.
Theirs was a fairy-tale romance. Her husband, Trent, was Tammy’s best friend, business manager. Dating for seven years, starting at age 15, and then being married for 11 years, had created a unique bond between these two young people.
While vacationing in Jamaica in 2001, a routine free diving excursion in the Blue Lagoon turned drastically tragic when Trent never resurfaced. Unfortunately, the following day’s events of 9/11 would create an incredible obstacle to Tammy’s and her family’s efforts to connect and handle these horrendous events.
She spent eleven days literally trapped in this foreign country while America was in upheaval and filled with uncertainty. Tearful prayers pleading with God to make himself real have been answered, and God is slowly restoring Tammy’s joy and hope, as she begins to sing and dance again for him.