Deal with conflict wisely. Know that conflict is an inevitable part of relationships, and that the closer you are to someone, the more conflict you’re likely to have. Choose to face conflict head-on, understanding that, if you do, God will use the conflict to make you more like Christ, with a real love for Him and others. Recognize that conflict often results from your own desires (for comfort, pleasure, recognition, power, control, or acceptance) that clash with other people’s desires. Don’t allow your desires to become more important to you than your relationship with God. Expect God to use difficult experiences in your relationships to show you what you’re living for besides Him. As He reveals these issues to you, humbly ask Him to purify your heart and transform you. Recognize the default strategy you use in conflict to try to get what you want, and focus on changing your strategy to one that reflects trust in God. Repent of the wrong ways you’ve been dealing with conflict, and depend on the Holy Spirit to help you learn to deal with conflict in healthy ways. Consider the needs and desires of the people with whom you’re in conflict. Rely on God’s help to be patient and renounce revenge. Make a plan to approach people you need to confront, and in that meeting: Own whatever personal sin you’ve brought to the situation, Name the problem, Explore possible solutions, Implement the agreed-upon solution, Evaluate how the solution is working, and Be willing to get outside help if needed from someone who will respect both sides of the conflict.

Forgive. Realize that God expects you to always be willing to forgive in all your relationships, since God has forgiven you. Rely on God to help you forgive, trusting that He will help you do it, despite your feelings. Understand that when you forgive, you’re making a conscious choice not to make the offender pay for the offense, not remind the offender of what he or she has done in an effort to control, not bring up the offense to others and slander the offender, and not dwell on the offense yourself. Remember that, although forgiveness is costly, the price you’ll pay if you choose not to forgive is much higher – bitterness that will poison your life. Expect that, if the initial act of forgiving people, you’ll need to keep forgiving them each time you remember the offense. If the people you have forgiven repent, then reconcile your relationships with them. But if they don’t repent, know that you still maintain an attitude of forgiveness toward them before God, because that is your responsibility. Understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean pursuing peace at all costs, such as by giving people permission to abuse you. Know that you can forgive people while still holding them accountable to you and other authorities (such as the police or church leaders) for their actions. When you apologize to someone you’ve offended, don’t just say you’re sorry. Be sure to also name the sin, confess that it was wrong, and ask for forgiveness.