What to do when Others Act Bad
Kelly Balarie, blogger at Purposeful Faith and author of the new book Rest Now: 7 Ways To Say No, Set Boundaries and Seize Joy is passionate about joining hands with women who often find themselves stuck in the pits of life. Step-by-step, word-by-word, her dream is that together they can emerge better—fear, fret, and panic-free. Get all of Kelly’s Purposeful Faith blog posts by email for a dose of inspiration and encouragement.
- 2015 Dec 31
When I was with her, like a mind-reader, I could sense her emotions.
I could feel her temperatures rising - to the heights of Pluto.
I could sense all was not well with her soul.
Her words were shorter, her breathing tighter and her laughter less.
And all I could think was - what can I do to make her feel better?
Do you ever feel like me? Responsible to make others happy?
It wasn't that life was crashing in. She was just handling groceries, dishes and daily clean up.
Yet, still, no matter how I talked, or what I did, her feelings didn't seem to clean up. They didn't. Despite my underlying words of: "Pull it together, so we can have fun together," she didn't budge.
And, then, what I did made it ten times worse, I'll tell ya'll, because I literally walked over, picked up her feelings and placed them inside me. I attached them to my heart like a fungus that even armies can't beat. I wore anxiety just the same as her.
If you can't beat 'em, join em,
unless you're trying to minister to 'em,
and then you have probably just wrecked 'em.
Stepping back has given me the chance to see some things:
- The wounded can't easily be rescued by the wounded.
- The wounded often need the Master Physician not the master fixer.
- The wounded are hurting and sometimes space is the place where their heart finds peace.
- If you want to minister and not manipulate, you have to terminate your need to placate.
- If you want to stay at peace, you have to let others own their own feelings.
I am not the peace-maker, the joy-jester or the emotion-keeper, I am just as much a sinful soul that could fall down right next to that person if I am not careful.
I could fall down with the thoughts:
I did something wrong.
It is all my fault.
She will not return to happiness today.
I will have a horrible day.
I don't know what is about to happen.
Knowing this, there is only one place to land oneself in a moment like this -
at the melting-point of God's Word:
The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? Ps. 118:6
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Pet. 5:7
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Prov. 3:5
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear... 1 Jo. 4:18
If God is in charge, I don't have to be.
If I can leave him with my anxieties, I don't need them.
If I trust him, I can trust he will work out that persons issue.
If I let him work, he will accomplish change in atmospheres better than I ever could.
If I let go of worrying about others, I can find peace.
If I step back, I can see his power at work between the space of me and them.
If I lean on God in the turbulence of fear, I can find strength in the face of hope.
Where might God be calling you to lean in?