Have you ever wondered if you’ve made a mistake? That there’s something you’ve done wrong and that’s why you’re not married?

I have. The thought has entered my mind that maybe I didn’t try hard enough to find someone, maybe I’ve gone to the wrong church all these years, maybe if I was just a  wee bit thinner then maybe I would have found the man of my dreams.

Have thoughts like these plagued your mind, and you’ve gotten caught up  with doubts that you’ll ever get married? There are very few singles who I have talked with who haven’t at times felt like it’s their fault they’re single.

Is it your fault? Every person has a different story. I can’t give you a pat answer for why you’re single, but I can tell you that God desires you to do one very important thing as you deal with your singleness -- believe that He knows what’s best for your life.

When I have questioned God about why I’m single, I’ve had to come back to the fact that He’s in control of my life.

Does this mean you eat a gallon of ice cream every night? That you can live any way that you want to? Of course not.  You are to have self control in all things (Galatians 5:22).

Self control in your eating, self control with what you’re reading, self control with what you’re viewing and self control with who you’re spending time with. Be the very best you can be in every area of your life.

There may be someone you’re very attracted to, but you know they’re not a Christian. Why are you dating them? God tells us not to be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14); therefore, getting caught up with an unbeliever is a big mistake. Singleness at times can be lonely, but going outside God’s principles in any way will only bring you more heartbreak.

Certainly you have desires, you have passion, you have a longing in your heart to love someone and to be loved. This is normal. I would encourage you to give your hurt, your heartbreaks, and your desires over to God. God says to cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you (I Peter 5:7). Tell Him it hurts, tell Him it’s hard, tell Him you cannot go alone anymore.” That’s where He wants you to be, totally and completely dependent on Him. You’re not alone. He’s always with you (Psalm 73:23).

Does God really want you to be single? God has a plan and a purpose for your life. Do you believe Him for His plan? Believing God and trusting God go hand in hand. Have you ever heard anyone say, “I believe in God,” but they don’t live by his precepts, His principles, His promises that give them the direction they
need for their lives?

Hang on to His Word; hang on to His truth that says, His ways are higher than your ways (Isaiah 55:9) Hang on to the great hope in the true and loving God who says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding, acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Live each day with a dream in your heart and a purpose in your life to believe God when life doesn’t make sense, when life doesn’t seem to be going as you had hoped, but when you know that your Heavenly Father knows what’s best.



Kathleen Hardaway is an author and speaker with a passion to encourage and equip women to be all that God calls them to be.  She exhorts women to never give up, dream big, and live the life God created them to live.

She has been featured on "At Home Live" and "Celebrations" television programs. She has also been the guest on Midday Connection and many other radio broadcasts. Kathleen is on staff at Precept Ministries International
. She has been the producer and director of Kay Arthur’s nationally syndicated television program, “How Can I Live?”