Five Toughest Questions

The five toughest questions for men are:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she's prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

Each question and answer has the potential to explode into a major argument, so here - as a public service - are some things not to say as well as the appropriate response.

Question 1: What are you thinking about?
WRONG: Baseball.
WRONG: Football.
WRONG: How hungry I am.
WRONG: My new truck.
RIGHT: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, darling. I was just thinking about what a warm, attractive, and intelligent woman you are."

Question 2: Do you love me?
WRONG: Oh yeah, loads.
WRONG: Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
WRONG: How would you define love, exactly?
RIGHT: "YES! I can't believe how lucky I am to ever have found you!"

Question 3: Do I look fat?
WRONG: Compared to what?
WRONG: I would rather say you're not exactly thin.
WRONG: I've seen fatter.
RIGHT: "Of course not! Why, you look even better than the day I married you!"

Question 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
WRONG: Yes, but you have a better personality.
WRONG: Not as pretty as you were when you were her age.
WRONG: Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
RIGHT: "Of course not! Why, you look even better than the day I married you!"

Question 5: What would you do if I died?
WRONG: Buy a Corvette.
WRONG: Probably marry someone thinner and prettier.
WRONG: Date your sister.
RIGHT: "I'll never know, dear. I plan on dying one day before you so I never have to live without you."