In the Beginning

In the beginning,
God created the Heaven and the Earth.

And the Earth was without form, and void,
And darkness was upon the face of the deep.

And the Devil said,
"It doesn't get any better than this."

And God said,
"Let there be light"

And there was light.

And God said,
"Let the earth bring forth grass,
The herb yielding seed,
And the fruit tree yielding fruit,"

And God saw that it was good.

And the Devil said,
"There goes the neighborhood."

And God said,
"Let us make Man in our image,
After our likeness,
And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea,
And over the fowl of the air
And over the cattle,
And over all the Earth,
And over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth."

And so God created Man in His own image;
Male and female He created them.
And God looked upon Man and Woman
And saw that they were lean and fit.

And the Devil said,
"I know how I can get back in this game."

And God populated the earth
With broccoli and cauliflower and spinach
And green and yellow vegetables of all kinds,
So Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And the Devil created McDonald's.
And McDonald's brought forth
The 79-cent double cheeseburger.

And the Devil said to Man,
"You want fries with that?"

And Man said,
"Super size them."

And Man gained five pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt,
That woman might keep her figure
That man found so fair.

And the Devil brought forth chocolate.

And Woman gained five pounds.

And God said,
"Try my crispy fresh salad."

And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's.

And Woman gained 10 pounds.

And God said,
"I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables
And olive oil with which to cook them."

And the Devil brought forth chicken fried steak
So big it needed its own platter.

And Man gained 10 pounds
And his bad cholesterol went through the roof.