You Are A Bad Cook If...

Your apple pie bubbled over and ate the enamel off the bottom of the oven.

You make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your family and the surprise is that it glows in the dark!

Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop.

The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.

Those annoying pest control companies keep pestering you, wanting to buy and patent your recipe for candy Christmas cookies.

You forget and leave a gallon of your homemade ice cream on the porch overnight during a record busting heat- and the next afternoon, not only is it still solid, but it tastes better.

You hate rice, but you keep finding it floating around in your beef stew.

Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a crockpot nine days old tastes like.

The EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red 'biohazard' symbols.