Rule No. 16: Empty your ashtrays on the ground in shopping center parking lots. While you're at it, dump out all the garbage, too, including that Wendy's or McDonald's bag sitting in the back seat from breakfast.
Rule No. 17: If you are forced to change an infant's diaper in a parking lot, leave the soiled diaper under the car next to you.
Rule No. 18: When another vehicle is waiting for you to pull out of a spot in a crowded parking lot, take your time. Adjust the mirrors, your seat, and the radio. Roll down your window, light a cigarette, and eat
your lunch. Feel free to go through your shopping bags and look at what you just bought.
Rule No. 19: When pulling into a parking spot, if there is a shopping cart in the way, lightly tap it with your bumper and send it rolling into another car. Then, when you step out, if the cart is still too close, push it down the parking lot aisle and let it go. While the cart is flying solo, turn around and walk toward the stores.
Rule No. 20: When walking back to your car in a busy shopping center, gesture to other drivers waiting for a spot to make them think that you are getting in the car and leaving. Then walk between the cars to the next aisle and do it again.
Rule No. 21: When shopping at the mall, which requires you to load your bags into the car and go back in to do more shopping, do NOT tell the driver who is sitting patiently watching you load your car and signaling
for your spot.
Rule No. 22: When walking back to your car, if you notice other shoppers walking past your car to get to theirs, press the buttons on your key chain remote so that your car's alarm makes a sudden loud "BLOOP BLEEP" that scares the stuff out of them.
Rule No. 23: If you don't see a speed limit sign posted in the mall's parking lot, there isn't any!
Rule No. 24: If you back into a parked car, and the driver isn't with it, take out a piece of paper and start writing. This is especially effective if there are 15-20 witnesses. On a piece of paper write,
"There were ___ witnesses when I hit your car. They think I'm writing my name, address, and phone number."
Rule #25: Have a friend hide in the trunk. Secure a parking place and go into the mall. Make some minor purchases so that you get a couple of store shopping bags. Come back out and make sure that you pick up a
"vulture" (someone following you to get your parking place). Unlock the trunk, let your friend out and give him/her your bags. Climb into the trunk. Friend closes the trunk and goes back inside the mall, waits 5
minutes, then comes back out and repeats the process. Continue until you get tired.
