What I Didn't Know Before I Had Kids

* Who John Jacob Jingle Heimershmitt is.

* How to change a diaper in the dark, in a parked car, on a standing child and all of the above simultaneously.

* Which lines of The Cat in the Hat and If I Ran the Circus can be skipped over without a child noticing.

* How bright a 3 a.m. full moon is.

* The design marvels of hooded towels, Velcro-strap shoes and mitten clips.

* Locations of public restrooms all across town.

* Why anyone would bother retracing their steps for miles just to retrieve a lost blankie.

* That tigers live in the trees in our backyard.

* How to open a van door while bobbling 2 lunch boxes, two extra coats, a purse, a diaper bag and a baby.

* That solid white socks get lost in the dryer at a much slower rate than do the mates of patterned socks that coordinate to special outfits.

* How little sleep a human body truly needs to function.

* Almost every Disney lyric ever penned.

* How to spell amoxicillin, let alone say it.

* That one can never own too many sippy cup lids or refrigerator magnets.

* Scientific names of dinosaurs from A to Z.

* That reverse psychology really works.

* The recipe for a homemade version of Play-doh.

* The distinctive sounds of Cheerios crunching underfoot.

* Why they call them Happy meals.

* How far you can dilute juice and still retain it's taste.

* The blessedness of naps, the inviolate importance of routines.

* How much you could love one human being!