Dear Cleatus,

Dear Cleatus,
I'm writin' this real slow cause I know you cain't read very fast.

We dont live where we did when you left. We read in the paper that most accidents happen within 10 miles of home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send you our new address cause the last family that lived there took the house numbers
with them so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day mama put four shirts in, pulled the chain & we ain't seen them since.

It only rained here twice this week. Three days the first time & five days ! the second time.

I know it is cold where you are so we're sending you a coat. Mama said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with them buttons on it, so we cut 'em off & put 'em in the pockets.

We got a letter from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes!

My sister had a baby this morning. I ain't wether its a boy or girl, so I dont know if I'm an uncle or an aunt.

Uncle John fell in the big whiskey vat. When they tried to pull him out, he fought them off, so he drowned. We cremated him & he burned for three days.

Three of my friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. one was driving, the other two was in the back.  The driver got out 'cause he rolled down the window &  swam to safety. The other two drowned, they couldn't  get the tailgate down.

MORE NEXT TIME, NUTHIN MUCH IS HAPPENIN' AROUND HERE.