You Know You're Having a Bad Day when . . .

You wake up - face down on the pavement

You see a "60 minutes" news team waiting for you in your office

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles

You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city

Your twin sister forgets your birthday

Your Mother forgets your birthday

You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realize you don't have a waterbed

Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of "Hells Angels" on the freeway

Your Mother forgets your birthday

Your boss tells you to not bother taking off you coat

The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard

Your wife forgets your birthday

You wake up and your braces are locked together

You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife

Your ex-wife remembers your birthday