Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
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