Puns for everyone...

Energizer Bunny arrested:
    charged with battery.
A man's home is his castle:
    in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist's blood type is:
    always b-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery:
 but to me it's just kiln time.
Dijon vu:
    the same mustard as before.
I fired my masseuse today:
    She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip:
 is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding:
 A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory:
  but it folded.
I used to be a lumberjack:
 but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
If electricity comes from electrons:
 does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Marriage is:
 the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is:
  the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making:
 headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism:
 a peeping tome.
Sea captains:
 don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov:
 ring a bell?
A successful diet is:
 the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow:
 Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is:
 someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry:
 life is pointless.
When you dream in color:
 it's a pigment of your imagination.
Reading whilst sunbathing:
    makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet:
 it's an I for an I.