As we entered downtown Minot we strained our eyes, looking for someplace that would bring order to the chaos atop our heads—for under ten bucks, if possible. We saw a couple of high-end salons, Shear Excellence and some other fancy-looking French-looking place called Tressed to Kill (or maybe it was Turn Your Head and Coif). We knew these businesses were for people beyond our social strata and income level. (You have to beware any time you see a hair salon with a sign noting FINANCING AVAILABLE.)

We were growing desperate when we saw Kustom Kutz. We smiled at each other. Places that don't know how to spell are typically quite economical. Beyond economical, in this case. As we pulled into the KK parking lot, we saw a hand-lettered sign in the window. It read, WEEKEND SPECIAL: 2-FOR-1 HAIRCUTZ!

Twenty-two minutes later, we walked through piles of our own hair to the Kustom Kutz exit, feeling lighter in spirit and lighter in the head, if you know what we mean.

However, as we headed to our car, we began to eye each other suspiciously. All this suspicious eyeing provoked the following exchange:

Todd: "Is something wrong?"

Jedd: "In what way?"

Todd: "Well, you are looking at me funny."

Jedd: "I was just looking at you that way because you are looking at me funny."

Todd: "Yeah ..."

Jedd: "So, why are you doing that?"

Todd: "You first. Why are you looking at me?"

Jedd: "It's just that ..."

Todd: "Yes?"

Jedd: "Dude, you look like a doofus."

Todd: "I'm just the way God made me, bro. And God doesn't make junk."

Jedd: "That's not what I mean. I mean your hair. Your haircut makes you look like a doofus."

Todd: "Well, so does yours!"

Jedd: "Oh, that's great! Get all defensive, why don't you? You're the older brother. You're supposed to be the mature one."

Todd: "No, I'm not being defensive. You do indeed have a problem with your hair. It looks like somebody turned a hungry badger loose on your head."

Jedd: "Are you serious? That is the same thing I was thinking about you! Only I was going to say enraged ferret instead of hungry badger."

Todd: "Well, six of one ..."

Jedd: "Didn't you notice how your Kustom Kutz stylist was mangling your hair? Didn't you look in the mirror? You do indeed have a problem with your hair. It looks like somebody turned a hungry badger loose on your head."

Todd: "Well, no. I was too busy watching your Kustom Kutz stylist do a weed-whacker number on you. Besides, your lady looked like Alice from The Brady Bunch. So I was kinda distracted by that. But hey, why weren't you minding your appearance?"

Jedd: "For the same reason as yours. Only your stylist looked like Sam the Butcher from The Brady Bunch."

Todd: "She did?"

Jedd: "She did indeed."

We reached our car, we studied our reflections in its window, and we panicked. Then we looked at our watches and panicked even more. We had precisely twenty-eight minutes before we were due to entertain and edify a church auditorium full of eager North Dakotans.