Summer Time Campfire

Now that summer is almost here, camping will be a favorite past-time for many of you.  For the neophytes,
to start a good campfire just follow these simple directions...

Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.

Bandage left thumb.

Chop other fragments into smaller pieces.

Bandage left foot.

Make pile structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand)

Light match.

Try to light match again.  Match may be damp.

Repeat (without swearing) "A scout is cheerful" and light match.

Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and putting your face close, blow gently into base of fire.

Apply burn ointment to nose.

When fire is burning, collect more wood.

Upon discovering that fire has gone out while searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene."

Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.

Re-label can to read "gasoline."

When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.

When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps above.

Maybe cheat by adding crumpled newspaper.