Attention: Ladies and Gentlemen

My Brother-in-Law, who is an airline copilot, told the following stories about a captain with whom he often flew. This guy was an excellent pilot, but not real good at making passengers feel at ease.

For example, one time the airplane in front of him blew a tire on landing, scattering chunks of rubber all over the runway. He was aked to hold while the trucks came out and cleaned up. His announcement:

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid there will be a short delay before our arrival.  They've closed the airport while they clean up what's left of the last airplane that landed there.

Then there was the time they were flying through turbulence. Some of the passengers became alarmed at how much the wings were bending in the rough air and one of the flight attendants relayed that message to the
captain. His announcement:

Ladies and gentlemen, I've been informed that some of you have noticed our wings bending in the turbulence.  In fact, the flight attendant told me that the wing tips are bending as much as ten feet in
the bumps.  Well, that's perfectly normal; there's nothing to worry about.  Our wings are designed to bend as much as thirteen feet at the tips and, as you can see, we're nowhere near that yet.