- My cat does not barf hairballs, he is a floor/rug redecorator.

- My cat does not break things, she helps gravity do its job.

- My cat does not fear dogs, they are merely sprint practice tools.

- My cat does not gobble, she eats with alacrity.

- My cat does not scratch, he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator.

- My cat is not a "shedding machine", she is a hair relocation stylist.

- My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile", she enjoys the proximity of food

- My cat is not a chatterbox, she is advising me on what to do next.

- My cat is not a dope addict, she is catnip appreciative.

- My cat is not a ruthless hunter, she is a wildlife control expert.

- My cat is not evil, she is badness enhanced.

- My cat is not fat, he is mass enhanced.

- My cat is not hydrophobic, she has an inability to appreciate moisture.

- My cat is not underfoot, she is shepherding me to my next destination (which should always be the food dish).