Signs Your Cat Is Too Fat
- Friday, April 30, 2004
* Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener.
* Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.
* Always lands on her spleen.
* Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.
* Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.
* No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz.
* Catfood dish replaced with Rush Limbaugh trough.
* Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit.
* It's no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.
* "Steals breath" from all five quintuplets, simultaneously.
* Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.
* He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.
* Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.
* Has more chins than lives.
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