if AOL were a city...
- Friday, October 31, 2003
The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard.
The local post office would tell your mother you're not a known resident.
The local post office wouldn't forward your mail to you when you moved.
You would get calls like " Hi, I'm j0e hax0r from the town council. We had a database crash and lost your tax records. Please give us your address and the key to your house or we will be forced to evict you and your family."
Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE."
You'd occasionally be sent home during your day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation, but that it's really the Earth's fault.
The administration would build a huge, state of the art park, and advertise that children can play there free, then suddenly demand money while ripping down the swings and accosting the children playing there.
Don't forget the AOL playground, which is locked so that the kiddies cannot get out "for safety reasons," and then hordes of perverts & pedophiles are allowed in.
The police would work for free out of some sort of "duty" to the city, but would secretly only be doing it for the free food stamps.
Upon waking every morning, a voice from above would shout "HEY!! YOU DO WANT
AN AOL VISA, DON'T YOU?" To which you say "no." The voice then replies "OK, I'LL ASK YOU TOMORROW."
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