I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless e-mails you send me until I return from vacation on 01/05. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

I've run away to join a different circus.