You've heard the old story referring to optimism and pessimism that is determined by whether you think the glass is half-empty or half-full. Here are the reactions when somebody leaves a half glass of milk next to the keyboard.

Optimist: The glass is half full.

Pessimist: The glass is half empty.

Apple Computer: You guys really oughta be drinking Perrier.

Assembly programmers: No thanks; I drink straight from the cow.

Bill Gates: Not enough market share to be Microsoft Milk.

C Programmers: No thanks; I drink straight from the jug.

CIA: What makes you think that's milk?

National news media: Hey, we wanted OJ!

Non-procedural language programmers: I drank it when nobody was looking.

NSA: We know what it really is.

Pascal programmers: Well, what type of milk is it?

Pentium users: I drank Glass * .49999999 . . . but don't hold me to that.

Prolog programmers: I know I drank it - just don't ask me how.

Copy protection crazies: Somebody drank half my milk and didn't pay for it!

Feminist: How come HIS glass is bigger than MINE?

Free Software Foundation: That milk is the cow's contribution to all mankind!

Futurist: The milk's in the wrong half of the glass.

Fuzzy logic guys: I may or may not have drunk some part of that milk.

IBM: Rent the glass from us and we'll fill it with something we know is good for you.

Idealist: In a decent world, this glass would be filled to the brim and big enough for everyone to enjoy.

IRS: Thanks for getting your milk withholding correct this year.

Security consultant: Where'd the rest of the milk go?

Shareware game author: That glass is free; the next one you have to pay for.