(Can't you just hear them doing this routine?) Bud Abbot and Lou Costello in the 21st Century...

ABBOT: Super Duper Computer Store... Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?

ABBOT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses, and run my business. What have you got?

ABBOT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOT: Yes

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOT: I recommend Office with windows.

COSTELLO:: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, let's just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: the only word in office is office.

ABBOT: the Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: which word in office for windows?

ABBOT: the Word you get when you click the blue W

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue W if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOT: yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOT: Real One.

COSTELLO: if it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOT: of course.

COSTELLO: great, with what?

ABBOT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOT: you click the blue 1

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOT: the blue 1.

COSTELLO: is that different from the blue W?

ABBOT: the blue 1 is Real One and the blue W is Word.

COSTELLO: what word?

ABBOT: the word in office for windows.

COSTELLO: but there's three words in office for windows!

ABBOT: no, just one. but it's the most popular word in the world.

COSTELLO: it is?

ABBOT: yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other words out there.

COSTELLO: and that word is real one?

ABBOT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping.  Do you have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOT: Money.

COSTELLO: that's right. What do you have?

ABBOT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOT: it comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: what's bundled to my computer?

ABBOT: money

COSTELLO: money comes with my computer?

ABBOT: yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOT: one copy

COSTELLO: isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.

COSTELLO: they can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOT: why not, they own it....