Re-write of Who's On First
- Saturday, July 03, 2004
(Can't you just hear them doing this routine?) Bud Abbot and Lou Costello in the 21st Century...
ABBOT: Super Duper Computer Store... Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses, and run my business. What have you got?
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
COSTELLO: For my office?
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOT: I recommend Office with windows.
COSTELLO:: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, let's just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: the only word in office is office.
ABBOT: the Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: which word in office for windows?
ABBOT: the Word you get when you click the blue W
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue W if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOT: yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOT: Real One.
COSTELLO: if it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOT: of course.
COSTELLO: great, with what?
ABBOT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOT: you click the blue 1
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOT: the blue 1.
COSTELLO: is that different from the blue W?
ABBOT: the blue 1 is Real One and the blue W is Word.
COSTELLO: what word?
ABBOT: the word in office for windows.
COSTELLO: but there's three words in office for windows!
ABBOT: no, just one. but it's the most popular word in the world.
COSTELLO: it is?
ABBOT: yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other words out there.
COSTELLO: and that word is real one?
ABBOT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping. Do you have anything I can track my money with?
COSTELLO: that's right. What do you have?
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOT: it comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: what's bundled to my computer?
COSTELLO: money comes with my computer?
ABBOT: yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOT: one copy
COSTELLO: isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
COSTELLO: they can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOT: why not, they own it....
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