Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the road.
Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.

Men: read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf.
Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker.

Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces.
Guys: wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high school.

Men: think perfume (yours) is a turn-on.
Guys: think sweat (theirs) is a turn-on.

Men: balance their checkbooks.
Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice in a row.

Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner.
Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner.

Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers.
Guys: are afraid of becoming men.

Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call.
Guys: pretend you're not there when their moms call.

Men: start their own businesses.
Guys: quit their jobs.