*Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
*You keep repeating yourself.
*You keep repeating yourself.
*The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
*You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere.
*You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
*Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
*You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm.
*Your back goes out more often than you do.
*You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
*You get winded playing chess.
*Your children begin to look middle aged.
*People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
*You're still chasing women but can't remember why.
*A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
*You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
*Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today..."
*You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.
*The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
*Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
*You got cable for the Weather Channel.
*You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
*You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.
*After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.
*Dialing long distance wears you out.
*You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
*The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.
*You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
*A fortune teller offers to read your face.
*Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by.
*You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer.
*You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
*Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time.
*You are proud of your lawn mower.
*People don't harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap.
*Your relatives longingly refer to your things as "your estate".
*You're only good on a trip for an hour without your aspirin, beano and antacid.
*You're awake many hours before your body allows you to get up.
*You're wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just your left leg.
*You are having trouble remembering simple words like....
*You're anti-everything: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammation....