THE ROLLING STONES STEEL WHEELCHAIR TOUR

The Rolling Stones circled New York's sprawling Van Cortlandt Park in a
yellow blimp emblazoned with their red tongue trademark, announcing the onset of their upcoming tour, a 40th anniversary extravaganza:

According to lead singer Mick Jagger, "Either we stay at home and become
pillars of the community, or we go out and tour. We couldn't really find any communities that still needed pillars." Keith Richards piped in.... well, sorry, but no one could understand what Keith piped in with, as Ron Wood wiped the drool from his chin.

Some Stones songs have had to be revised for a more age-appropriate theme:

"Under My Gums"
"Dye It Black"
"Let's Take a Nap Together"
"You Can't Always Get What You Want, Without A Prescription"
"I Can't Get No . . . Health Insurance"
"Pain in My Heart - Where's My Nitro?"
"Hey! You! Get Off Of My Lawn!"
"Jumpin' Jack Flash (I've Got Gas, Gas, Gas)"
"Sister Motrin"
"Sleep Fighting Man"
"Help Me Up"
"It's All Over Now, Just Pull The Plug"
"Time Is On My Side (Well, Maybe Not)"

The tour, sponsored by Poli-Grip, Geritol and Depends, will kick off Sept. 5 in Boston, Mass.