Diary of a Snow Shoveler
- Monday, December 27, 2004
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son od a gun who drives that plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his butt. I know he hides around the corner and just waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and open our presents, but I was waaay too busy watching for the stupid snowplow.
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate this snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. Oh, bad attitude, huh? I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life, *one* more time, I'm going to kill her!
Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea! She's really getting on my nerves now.
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
Warmed up to -50. Still snowed in. THE WIFE is driving me crazy! ! ! !
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am, anyway? Pffft
Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" more predicted.
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling!!
I feel sooo good! I just love those little whilte pills they keep giving me. Just have to figure out why I'm tied to this bed...
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