The 3 words you most want to hear from your husband are:
Before kids:  "I love you"
After 1st child:  "Let me help"
After 2nd child:  "I'll change her"

The best toys are:
Before kids:  wooden and educational
After 1st child:  plastic and educational
After 2nd child:  plastic and silent

The last restaurant you visited had:
Before kids:  elegant tables, an innovative menu, impeccable service
After 1st child:  clean tables, a children's menu, quick service
After 2nd child:  an available table, the menu on the wall, self-service

You see a child having a tantrum in a store and you feel sorry for...:
Before kids:  yourself
After 1st child:  the child
After 2nd child:  the mom

A home-cooked meal is...:
Before kids:  5 courses, plus wine
After 1st child:  main dish, vegetable, and starch
After 2nd child:  frozen macaroni and cheese

Children should be potty trained...:
Before kids:  as soon as possible
After 1st child:  when the are developmentally ready
After 2nd child:  sometime before they leave for college

You choose your grocery store based on...:
Before kids:  selection
After 1st child:  price
After 2nd child:  a candy-free checkout lane

You call your mom on Mother's Day to say...:
Before kids:  "I love you"
After 1st child:  "Thanks, Mom"
After 2nd child:  "Please forgive me for my childhood"

"Sesame Street" characters you can name are...:
Before kids:  Big Bird, Grover, Oscar the Grouch
After 1st child:  Elmo, Zoe, and Slimey the worm
After 2nd child:  All of them

You spot your neighbors' child wearing striped tights, a flowered dress, combat shoes, and a tiara and you think...:
Before kids:  her mom needs some fashion tips
After 1st child:  her dad needs some fashion tips
After 2nd child:  won't she get too hot in tights?

You're waiting in line for a rest room when a mom dragging a toddler "in need"  enters.  You...:
Before kids:  wonder if the kid will make it
After 1st child:  give up your place in line
After 2nd child:  shout "let's move it, ladies, we have an emergency here!"