Sir Isaac Newton may have discovered the laws of gravity,but here's a parallel set of laws that govern moms and dads.

A child's behavior will improve in proportion to the distance she is away fromthe parent.

Two is equal to two, except when referring to time.  Two minutes of tantrum lasts 20 times as long as two minutes of quiet time.

The choice of a preschooler's best friend corresponds directly to the distance the friend lives from your house.

A child's enjoyment of a popular entertainment will be inversely proportionate to the parent's enjoyment.

The chance of a surprise visit by your parents-in-law is directly proportional to the size of the mess in your home.

A child will always eat exactly what she has loved for the past year---unless it is the only food in the fridge.

The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to embarrass a sailor.