Dads - things we swore we would never say, or  . . . the Father's Lexicon of Wisdom

Don't ask me, ask your mother.
Close that door!
Were you raised in a barn?
You didn't beat me. I let you win.
Big boys don't cry.
Don't worry. It's only blood.
Don't you know any normal boys?
Now you listen to ME, Buster!
I'll play catch after I read the paper.
Coffee will stunt your growth.
A little dirt never hurt anyone, just wipe it off..
Get your elbows off the table!
I told you, keep your eye on the ball.
Who said life was supposed to be fair?
Always say please and thank you. That way, you get more.
If you forget, you'll be grounded till the end of the world.
You call that a haircut??
"Hey" is for horses.
This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
Turn off those lights. Do you think I am made of money?
Don't give me any of your lip, young lady!
You call that noise "music?"
We're not lost. I'm just not sure where we are. No, we're not there yet.
Shake it off.  It's only pain.
When I was your age, I treated MY father with respect.
As long as you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules.
I'll tell you why. Because I said so. That's why!
Do what I say, not what I do.
Sit up straight, knucklehead!
So you think you're smart, do you?
What's so funny? Wipe that smile off your face.
Young ladies do not sweat; they perspire.
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times.
C'mon, you throw like a girl.
You want something to do? I'll give you something to do.
You should visit more often. Your mother worries.
What are your intentions with my daughter?
I'd better get a good report, or you better head to Mexico.
I'm not sleeping, I was watching that channel.
What keeps those jeans of yours from falling off?
I'm not just talking to hear my own voice!
Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.
What do you think I am, a bank?
What part of NO don't you understand?
I don't care what other people are doing! I'm not everybody else's Father!
You're not leaving my house dressed like that!
What will other parents think?
Could those sleeves be any longer?
You look like a bag lady!
Headache remedy: Put your head through the window, and the pain will be
gone. Worrying about things you can't change is like a rocking chair... it
gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
I feel for you, but I can't reach you from here.
 If you're gonna be dumb, you've gotta be tough.
Didn't your teacher learn you anything?!
You can marry a rich guy just as easily as you can a poor guy.
It's hard to be good, and easy to be bad.
If you're going to steal a car, at least make it a Cadillac (but don't call me asking for bail.)
Don't tell on anybody unless you tell on yourself first.
Hey, did you hear me talking to you?
You know you're always gonna be Daddy's little girl.
I'm not watching television. I'm resting my eyes.
Don't use that tone with me!
Am I talking to a brick wall? If I catch you doing that one more time, I'll...
Act your age.
Two wrongs do not make a right.
Wipe your feet!
Enough is enough!
Don't make me stop the car!
What did I just get finished telling you?