What I Didn't Know Before I Had Kids
- Sunday, September 19, 2004
* Who John Jacob Jingle Heimershmitt is.
* How to change a diaper in the dark, in a parked car, on a standing child and all of the above simultaneously.
* Which lines of The Cat in the Hat and If I Ran the Circus can be skipped over without a child noticing.
* How bright a 3 a.m. full moon is.
* The design marvels of hooded towels, Velcro-strap shoes and mitten clips.
* Locations of public restrooms all across town.
* Why anyone would bother retracing their steps for miles just to retrieve a lost blankie.
* That tigers live in the trees in our backyard.
* How to open a van door while bobbling 2 lunch boxes, two extra coats, a purse, a diaper bag and a baby.
* That solid white socks get lost in the dryer at a much slower rate than do the mates of patterned socks that coordinate to special outfits.
* How little sleep a human body truly needs to function.
* Almost every Disney lyric ever penned.
* How to spell amoxicillin, let alone say it.
* That one can never own too many sippy cup lids or refrigerator magnets.
* Scientific names of dinosaurs from A to Z.
* That reverse psychology really works.
* The recipe for a homemade version of Play-doh.
* The distinctive sounds of Cheerios crunching underfoot.
* Why they call them Happy meals.
* How far you can dilute juice and still retain it's taste.
* The blessedness of naps, the inviolate importance of routines.
* How much you could love one human being!
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