The following are real signs found in the world:

On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"