Retired professor Moriarty was brought before the country judge on charges. The judge said sternly, "This is not the first time you have been brought before this court on charges of being disorderly. Have you any reason why a stiff sentence should not be pronounced?"

The old professor stood up and looked at the judge. "Man's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourns."

Then he turned and faced the courtroom. "I'm not as debased as Poe, as ungrateful as Keats, as intemperate as Burns, as timid as Tennyson, as vulgar as Shakespeare, as---"

The judge interrupted, "Shut up! That'll be ninety days." And he slammed down the gavel.

Then he said to the bailiff, "Take down that list of names and round them up. They're as bad as he is!"