"Hi, is this the chopstick hotline?"

"Okay, I removed the cap -- now what?"

 "Can I use it to highlight passages in books?"

"Is it safe for my kitty's lips?"

"Is it true that the Chinese use these instead of forks?"

"I like to dress the tubes in tiny little clothes I make. Is this illegal?"

"Is it available in a spray?"

"I wrote a 22-page poem about Chap Stick. Where do I send it?"

"I lost my Chap Stick -- did anyone turn it in?"