Q: Where do you find elephants?
A: It depends on where you lost them.
Q: Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?
A: Because the white ones get dirty too fast.
Q: Why do elephants live in herds?
A: To get a wholesale reduction on the blue tennis shoes.
Q: Why do elephants float on their backs?
A: So they don't get their tennis shoes wet.
Q: What goes clomp,clomp,clomp, squish.. clomp,clomp,clomp, swish.. clomp,clomp,clomp, swish..?
A: An elephant with a wet tennis shoe!
Q: How many elephants can you fit in a taxi?
A: Four. (One next to the driver and 3 in back)
Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a taxi?
A: None, it's full of elephants.
Q: How do you know when an elephant is visiting your house?
A: There's a taxi outside with three elephants in it.
Q: How do you put an elephant into refrigerator?
A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.
Q: How do you put a giraffe into refrigerator?
A: Open door, get elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
A: Fridge is not large enough to hold them all.
Q: How do elephants get up into oak trees?
A: They sit on an acorn and wait.
Q: How do elephants get down from oak trees?
A: They sit on a leaf and wait for autumn.
Q: Why are crocodiles long, thin, and flat?
A: They walk under trees in Autumn.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From jumping out of oak trees - they're impatient!
Q: Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?
A: To soften their landing when they jump out of oak trees.
Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.
Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.
Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.
Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
A: Because that is when the elephants do their parachute jumping.
Q: What is a furry alligator?
A: A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.
Q: Why do elephants have cracks between their toes?
A: For carrying their library cards.
Q: Why do elephants have cracks between their toes?
A: To give the ants/natives a 50/50 chance.
Q: What did ASHER say when he saw elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Look, there's elephants coming over the hill."
Q: What did he say when he saw elephants with sunglasses on, coming over the hill?
A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
Q: What did ASHER say when he saw giraffes with sunglasses on coming over the hill?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"
Q: What did the elephants say when they saw ASHER coming over the hill?
A: Nothing, elephants can't talk.
Q: What is the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?
A: About three thousand miles.
Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?
A: You can't make a paper airplane out of an elephant.
Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out burning ducks!!
Q: Why do giraffes have long necks?
A: To spit on burning elephants!!
Q: Why do elephants wear small green hats?
A: So they can sneak across pool tables unobserved.
Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting two elephants into the back seat of your car!
Q: What is more difficult than getting 2 elephants in the back seat of your car?
A: Getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of your car!
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: There are no yellow elephants.