You don't have to spend your money on expensive burglar alarms anymore. Here is a cheaper way to deter burglars at your house. Just put up a few signs in well-placed locations....

Dear Mr. Butcher: starting tomorrow, please leave ten pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!

Dear Mr. Mailman: we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings.
P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"?

Dear Mr. Exterminator: be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards already and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are that we want you to rid us of.

To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck.....heh heh!!

Selma dear, don't come in! Jake, the boa constrictor got loose again!