So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor....  The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.  They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?  In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going.  I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ..  did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

 #9 "Warning!  You want a warning?  O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

 #8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.  Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

 #7 "Fair?  You want me to be fair?  Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#*!."

 #6 "Yeah, we have a quota.  Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

 #5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

 #4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

 #3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore.  We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

 #2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

  and the best one .  .

  #1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?  . . .  You're right, we don't.  . . .  Sign here."