Son:  Dad, would you do my arithmetic for me?
Dad:  No, son, it wouldn't be right.
Son:  Well, at least you could try.

Traffic Cop:  Do you know this is a one way street?
Driver:  Of course! I'm only driving one way!

Rosie:  This ointment the doctor gave me makes my leg smart.
Rick:  Well, why don't you rub some on your head then?

Joyce:   I've been asked to get married hundreds of times.
Gloria:  (surprised)  Really?!  By whom?
Joyce:  My parents.

Jake:  Oh, doctor, I swallowed the film out of my camera!
Doctor:  Well, we'll just have to hope nothing develops.

"Darling, you have the face of a saint."
"Thank you, dear, and just which saint would that be?"
"Bernard."