Son: Dad, would you do my arithmetic for me?
Dad: No, son, it wouldn't be right.
Son: Well, at least you could try.
Traffic Cop: Do you know this is a one way street?
Driver: Of course! I'm only driving one way!
Rosie: This ointment the doctor gave me makes my leg smart.
Rick: Well, why don't you rub some on your head then?
Joyce: I've been asked to get married hundreds of times.
Gloria: (surprised) Really?! By whom?
Joyce: My parents.
Jake: Oh, doctor, I swallowed the film out of my camera!
Doctor: Well, we'll just have to hope nothing develops.
"Darling, you have the face of a saint."
"Thank you, dear, and just which saint would that be?"
"Bernard."
