While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's own truck keys. (NOTE: Keys must also be cleaned regularly, because ear wax buildup can short circuit a starter switch.)

Brushing & Flossing
Scientists have proven that the use of a toothbrush (and toothpaste when available) can help people keep their teeth into their thirties and even beyond.

Dental floss, the modern equivalent of broom straw, is also helpful. A lightweight monofilament fishing line works just as well. Remove lures first.

Manicures and Pedicures:
Dirt and grease under the nails is a social no no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

Corns and calluses can be removed using a common potato peeler, remember never to cut against the grain.

Hair Care (FOR MEN)
Contrary to popular belief, dandruff is not an incurable disease. Rubbing motor oil into the scalp once a week will turn the flakes dark and then they will not be noticeable. If you can't afford hair tonic, brake fluid holds the hair in place and gives it a dark, Elvis like sheen.

Hair Care (FOR WOMEN)
While a tall hive of hair was the rage, it can be an open invitation to bees and hornets.

A 50/50 mixture of Black Flag and hairspray can prove to be a girl's best summertime friend.


  • When approaching a four way stop, remember that the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
  • When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, remember that it is impolite to ask her to bring back a soda.
  • Remember that the median is not a passing lane.
  • Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

Bonus Joke . . . .

Top 10 Reasons Farm Trucks Aren't Stolen

They have about 20 miles before they overheat, breakdown or run out of gas.

Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out.

It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains, syringes, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab.

It takes too long to start, and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision.

The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean.

They're too easy to spot. The description might go something like this:
. . . .the driver's side door is red, the passenger side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc.

The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if you're being chased. You could use the mirrors if they weren't cracked and covered with duct tape.

Top speed is approximately 45 mph.

Who wants to steal a truck that needs a year's worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in body work, tail-lights and windshield?

It is hard to commit a crime with everyone waving at you.