The stewardess on your American Airlines flight tells you NOT to fasten your seatbelt.

Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Panama.

You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your late car payment.

The little league puts you on waivers.

Your suggestion box starts ticking.

Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DEA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.

You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.

You see the cruise captain running toward the railing wearing a life jacket.

They pay your wages out of petty cash.

You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you've ever had.

Getting there is half the fun and three-fourths of the vacation budget.

The simple instructions enclosed, aren't.

A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.

You take an assertiveness training course and you're afraid to tell your wife.

Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.

The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.

The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.