The following are, supposedly, actual medical records taken from patients' actual medical charts.  

* The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.  

* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.  

* I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.  

* The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.  

* She is numb from her toes down.  

* While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.  

* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.  

* Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.  

* Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.  

* Patient was alert and unresponsive.  

* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.