• The patient furthest away from the nurses' station rings the call bell more often than the patient nearest to the nurses' station.

  • You always remember "just one more thing" you need after you've gowned, gloved, and masked and gone into that isolation room.

  • The correct depth of compression in adult CPR is a bit less than the depth you just reached when you broke those ribs.

  • When you cancel extra staff because it's so quiet, you are guaranteed a rash of admissions.

  • If you wear a new white uniform, expect to be thrown up on.
    Corollary: Residents always poop on your brand new shoes.

  • There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.

  • When management smiles at you, be afraid, very afraid ...

  • Staffing will gladly send you three aides--but you have to float two of your RNs.

  • As soon as you discontinue the IV line, more fluids will be ordered.

  • Mandatory meetings are always scheduled after you've had the worst night and just want to go home to bed.

  • You always forget what it was you wanted after you get to the supply room. You always remember when you get back to the other end ...

  • Doctors only ask your name when the patient isn't doing well.

  • Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the boss is watching.

  • The more sophisticated the equipment, the longer it takes to get repaired.

  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

  • As soon as you've ordered the pizzas, 25 patients show up at the ER registration desk along with three ambulances all with cardiac arrests!