How do I know anything really exists?
    Kick it *really* hard.

What is the essence of being human?
    Not understanding the opposite gender.

If a tree falls in the forest, and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
    Not if it lands on a bunch of pillows.

How do I know I'm not just a brain in a vat, hooked up to a computer simulation of life?
    Look in the mirror.  If you see a gray, spongy thing in a glass container, you are.

Can our minds exist separately from our bodies?
    If they could, we'd just send our minds to class and sleep in every  morning.

What is the nature of Knowledge?
    I'm still trying to figure out the nature of *college*.

What is the meaning of life?
    All evidence to date suggests it's chocolate.

Why get a Philosophy degree?
    It's more respectable than a theater degree,
    but you still get to  drink lots of espresso.