These are real ads from a newspaper. (?!)

1. 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850 or best offer

2. AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

3. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE ... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

4. FREE PUPPIES ... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD PART DOG.

5. 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

6. TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, AUTO TRANS., EXCELLENT CONDITION - $6,800

7. DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOUR VALENTINE - HAVE YOUR SEPTIC TANK PUMPED

8. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR DOG

9. FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG

10. GERMAN SHEPHERD. 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

11. FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.

12. NORDIC TRAC $300 - HARDLY USED - CALL CHUBBIE at:

13. BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING - "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

14. FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG ... LOOKS LIKE A RAT ... BEEN OUT AWHILE ... BETTER BE A REWARD

15. HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT"

16. CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE, 2 CENTS OR BEST OFFER

17. WHIRLPOOL BUILT-IN OVEN -- FROST FREE!

18. '93 PONTIAC LEMONS - LOW MILES

19. TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT. SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.