1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and good companionship.  She goes Tuesdays.  I go Fridays.

2.  We also sleep in separate beds.  Hers is in Richmond and mine is in Alexandria.

3.  I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4.  I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.  So I suggested the kitchen.

5.  We always hold hands.  If I let go, she shops.

6.  She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"  So I bought her an electric chair.

7.  My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburettor.  I asked where the car was, and she told me, "In the lake."

8.  My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas.  She hasn't lost weight but, BOY, can she climb a tree now.

9.  She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

10. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"  The driver said, "No, jump in!"

11. Remember, .Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100 percent of all divorces started with marriage.

12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

13. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.  I don't like to interrupt her.

14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked,  "What's on the TV?" I said, 'Dust!"

15. In the beginning, God created earth and rested.  Then God created man and rested.  Then God created woman.  Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

16. Why do men die before their wives?  'Cause they want to!