NORTH AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE: You have two cows. You redesign them to 1/10 the size of ordinary cows, producing 20 times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoons called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

GERMAN: You have two cows, re-engineered so they'll live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH: You have two cows. Both are mad.

RUSSIAN: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42. You count them again and learn you have 12. You stop counting cows.

SWISS: You have 5,000 cows. None belongs to you. You charge others for storing them.

HINDU: You have two cows. You worship them.

CHINESE: You have two cows and 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest the newsman who questions the numbers.